The Perfect Life

Being a mom of a two year old boy is a trip. You never know what’s coming next, but you still have to be prepared for the impossible and the unbelievable as well as the deepest love and heart-bursting joyous moments. 

We went on a weekend trip for a special friend’s wedding, which was beautiful and the sweetest ever! I steamed our clothes so that we would presentable as we walked to the car, because we all know the clothes are not going to stay crisp! With the hundreds of crunches we do to reach and grab and man-handle our kids, it’s a miracle of The Lord that we even arrive mostly still dressed. 
Then, we get to the venue and Axton decides he is taking off his shoes and socks and feels an urging of the spirit (not sure which one) to toss said items as high as a kite. All the while my blood pressure is about 600/3000 but I paste a horrendous fake smile to greet the strangers as they grimace at him with their why-can’t-you-take-care-of-your-kid look. 
As I slowly recover from that episode, he then devises to dig out M&M’s from my purse at uber fast speed and hurls them at the wall next to us. By this time, the bride is about to enter and I try to get him excited to look at the bride. He yells, “the prize, the prize!” and it was sweet and those around us giggled. As the bride has now entered, my endearing child is now on the floor in the aisle (thank God it wasn’t the brides aisle) and he’s acting like a caveman and sticking out his tongue and making googling and gaggling noises as if he’s the main event that everyone came to see. 
By this time I  wondering if I am asleep and having a nightmare or if this is reality. I motion the dinosaur-child to come sit and check out what’s in my purse (all the trash and m&m wrapper he’s disposed of) and now he takes off running. Full. Speed. Ahead. To the FRONT of the church. Where the bride and groom are standing. I used every ounce of telepathy I could muster, “go straight go straight, go straight, not left (to the bride)” My telepathy/deepest intercessions worked. He kept straight and ran right out of the church as I tried to calmly run-walk behind him. 
No murders occurred, we made it through. I’m alive and he’s still here. All feelings of mortification vanished as he exited the church to the safety of a roam-free zone which is where we stayed the remainder of the lovely wedding. 

I can’t say how the wedding turned out but I can say being a mom of a two year old boy is teaching me I’m not perfect. Never will be. I shouldn’t fret to be anything other than what I am at this moment. I’m a wife that loves the man I have married. He’s a gift and I realize just what a treasure he is to me and to this world more and more daily. You see, I’ve taken my life for granted in so many ways. I wanted to be perfect. To seem perfect. But it’s ok that I’m me. It’s ok that my two year old is himself. Of course, discipline and learning will come as he matures and as I mature. I believe marriage and children help us to become who we’re supposed to be. It’s God’s special design. 

I don’t want to miss the lessons and the growth and the beauty because I’m focusing too hard on being perfect — something unattainable, something that actually cheapens the grace of God. If I could only wrap my mind around that truth and envelop it into my mind for good. 

Maybe you’re a mom in the trenches; struggling to keep your head above the proverbial water. Maybe you’re at a place where you’re emotionally bankrupt, from not giving yourself and those you love most, the attention and care they so deserve. 

It’s going to work out. It’s all just little stuff. We can be everything we’re supposed to be because God’s Word says we can! As long as our hope and our trust is fully in Him, we don’t have to “pay our own way”. We don’t have to “earn” God’s favor and love. It’s ours. It’s a gift that we can take freely. He’s perfectly in love with us as imperfect people. 

Imperfect Thanks

We were attempting to have a time of family prayer and devotion last night and we encountered some, shall we say, "disturbances".   As a struggling perfectionist, I usually have a plan, a pattern of attack and it is supposed to go ... perfectly! Hilarious. Absolutely, hilarious, I know.  While praying together, our plans got derailed by a toddler "praying" and tooting loudly, handing out mass amounts of tissue to us all; putting a towel on his head as he walked around praying loudly. Quiet laughter ensued. 

We tried to resume our prayer time and Axton (our toddler) is walking all around the room "praying" loudly, "Jeesh-ush, touch mama... Hall-le-luuuuu...." *poot* It was too much! Brian and I fell to our faces in laughter! The spirit of laughter was all over us - I'm telling you - we were bubbling over! Brian laid hands on me and said, "Yes, Lord, the spirit of laughter is all over you!" It. Was. Funny. We tried again and this time Axton is bringing me tissue... not one, not two, but thirty. "Here mama, you prayin'." I ended up needing them from laugh-crying! Needless to say, the perfect little family prayer time that we plan is quite often the exact opposite.  

But as I thought about it more, I realized how very true that is of life in general.  We make our own plans, sometimes we pray for selfish desires and ambitions. At times, we feel that if things were just like 'this' or happened just like 'that' it would all be - PERFECT! We have it all figured out. We know exactly (ha ha ha) what we need. Right? We know the path that WE should take. Oh, wait, the scripture says, "HE knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure gold." (Job 23:10) 

I was reminded during this hysterical fiasco of prayer time that God knows what we need.  He has already been there. He's just on the other side waiting.  I once heard a minister say that the physical realm is often opposite of the spiritual realm. Things appear in one way physically, but with God, they are actually working out; things are being turned around; your path is being cleared and a way is being made. It just looks messy.  It feels messy sometimes, too! (Toddler toots and all!) We are being tried and that requires some IMperfection, heat, fiery darts, comfort-zone explosions and unplanned paths! 

Today, I am thankful for some of my unanswered prayers that would have caused me harm or drawn me away from God's plan for my life. I'm thankful for the times that God said NO because those times have proven to be an even greater, more beautiful YES than I could ever have planned on my own. My carnal thinking has never created the beauty and peace that God has created for me.  He didn't do it because of who I am, but because of who HE is; He is the reason I'm thankful.  It's only His grace that has kept me during my fall-outs, my misguided seasons in life and the susceptible sins of pride and things like it.

Maybe our family prayer and devotion fell through as far as plans go, but I'll leave those plans there and take the joy that we had laughing on the floor ANY day.  I believe that while we laid there gut-laughing we very possibly were making some spiritual headway in many things. How? We weren't travailing or interceding, but we were bringing our family closer together, we were filled with joy and laughter, we decided to go off plan and have a moment of fun.  We felt connected and maybe that's what God wanted for our family time last night. Connection, love and laughter. It's a memory we probably won't forget! God always knows what we need. Disclaimer: we are aware that trying to have a prayer time with a toddler is near impossible but in time we will see results.

I hope this encourages or at least humors someone during this holiday. The holidays can be a time of great sadness and discouragement, but remember that there is something to be thankful for, even when it's not perfectly in line with our thoughts and plans.  God is able to bring beauty and life from your dead situations and your distracting problems. And sometimes, amusement in the process!

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!